No, You Don’t Need a Mentor (You Just Need Yourself)

You’re lost, and you’re at a scary point in your life. You can’t help but feel like you need someone older to guide you. But it’s okay, young grasshopper. You don’t need a mentor.

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Going through the maze of life is already confusing in and of itself. But trying to find my way through the darkness without somebody holding the proverbial flashlight for me is unbelievably difficult. While the only thing some people wish for in life is a faithful lover or a loving child, I’ve always asked the higher beings for something else: a mentor. Oh, how I envy the people who have that special someone with the right answers to all their questions — a crystal ball that holds all the wisdom that they need to conquer the road ahead.

My Fear of Teachers

As much as I love to tout that I’m an independent boy, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on so much in life when I feel like I’m doing it on my own. I mean sure, I have a strong support system in my family and friends. I’ve even had college professors who were beyond inspirational. But I always felt like I was never a Cory Matthews to any Mr. Feeny’s. Nobody has really believed that much in me that they decided to take me under their wing.

Not gonna lie, that fact in of itself has really messed with my self-esteem. My relationships with my teachers are one-way admiration at best.

It’s not anyone’s fault though; I get total social anxiety talking to people of authority. I don’t know what it is, but I have a difficult time talking to older people like they’re actual human beings. I tend to treat them as people I have to be nice to, rather than people I can pour out my soul to. And it just gets harder for me to connect with them because I have it inside my head that they don’t really like me. After all, they only get to see the side of me that’s designed to impress, rather than somebody whom they can root for.

No one really believes in me. At least, I don’t think so.

And that’s what makes it so frustrating.

During the times where I have little to no confidence in myself, there’s no one to assure me that I can do it and actually mean it. There is nobody who will leave me be in arduous situations to find my own way, but keep a watchful eye to make sure I’m okay. There is nobody I can talk to about what I want to do in the future and tell me that I can do way better. There is nobody who will be tough on me and eloquently debrief me once l’ve learned my lesson.

These are the times I think to myself… I need a mentor.

Fictional Characters to the Rescue

While my friends are a good soundboard for all my personal frustrations, I feel like it’s different when advice comes from someone who knows what they’re talking about. Digging deeper, I guess that’s also why I invest so heavily in watching television shows and movies; I’ve substituted the mentor figure in my life with a mere electronic gadget displaying color and playing sounds.

For instance, Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy is someone I’ve attached myself so deeply to. Even though she’s just a TV character, I’ve witnessed her go through the endless ups and downs of life for over 15 years that the show has been on air. There’s something about watching a surgeon overcome personal and professional obstacles that inspire me to become better.

And it’s not just her.

There are talented television writers who know how to craft true-to-life scripts and quotable one-liners that make me stop and ponder on my own life. I know that any scene, line, or character arc that moves me to tears was probably written by somebody who has experienced something similar in their own lives. Hence, it must be credible.

And as delusional as it may sound, I always feel like those particular scenes were written especially for me, as if God was talking to me through the television.

I guess a little delusion is needed to survive this mentor-less life.

Because when you feel like nobody is there to give you words of wisdom, you’ll find a sense of authority in the characters you see on screen. Or the characters in your book, a Disney Channel Original Movie, a tear-jerking Jollibee commercial… every line with a hint of semblance to your own life will sound like gospel. And you run with it.

Some of the pivotal decisions I have made are all thanks to television. Pursuing a communications degree was all thanks to Scandal’s Olivia Pope and my fleeting dream of becoming a crisis fixer. Then at some point before senior year, I swore that it was my destiny to become a doctor just like Meredith Grey. And after binge-watching some Shark Tank episodes, I swore that I was born to be a successful entrepreneur like Mark Cuban. Okay, that one’s not fictional, but the point stands.

Who knows what fortune a show will bring me next time?

Pay it Forward

I guess what I want to try to say is, you don’t really need a mentor. But it will require you some inner stability, unfounded self-confidence, and creative ways of motivating yourself. For me, it was watching television and living vicariously through the characters. As you get used to it though, you’ll slowly learn how to depend more on the voice inside of you.

Now that I’m twenty-two, I know that it’s not too late for me to find someone to fill that particular void in my life. But even if I never get one, I’ll be okay. Because I realize that I’ve only gotten better as a person without depending on anyone else. I learned to pick myself up and find my way around with just me shining the light.

At the very least, I feel like I’m doing my part in making sure that other people who feel like they need a mentor can look up to me even in the littlest ways. I am definitely not the best choice to be anybody’s role model by any means, but hey, there’s no harm in trying.

When I found my groove in college, I really took it upon myself to step up in leadership roles. What started out as a way to prepare myself for my own future (and a kick-ass resume) became an enjoyable avenue to influence people younger than myself. You can pay forward something that wasn’t passed onto you.

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That’s what life’s like when you can’t confide your goals and dreams to people older than you.

It will feel aimless at times, but you’ll find yourself reaching the finish line somehow. There’ll probably be a lot of mistakes made, but because of them, you’ll learn faster than everyone else. You’ll be fighting a lot of demons just to convince yourself that you can keep going. That’s what makes you stronger than them. And somewhere along the way, you’ll realize that the limit does not exist because you say it doesn’t.

It’s scary, difficult, and oftentimes, frustrating. But in the end, you’ll come out a dreamer, always excited for what’s to come.

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Featured Image: Yogendra Singh