I know that I would be bigger and more successful than I am today if it wasn’t for my being shy, and my lack of self-esteem holding me back. Being shy was cute when I was dough-eyed and could barely pronounce words with more than three syllables.

But now that I’m older, it has done nothing except rob me of experiences that could’ve potentially changed my life. The worst part is that even if I’m aware of this fact, I can’t bring myself to turn off the switch.

My shyness has become part of me.

Intimidating myself into silence

When I was growing up, I was that kid who would barely say a peep. My teachers would always tell my mom that they wished I was noisier in class. It came to the point that my mom didn’t even have to go to these meetings because she knew that was all they were going to say about me.

I told myself that it was because the other kids intimidated me — that I didn’t really get along with my classmates because they were as loud and proud as a blinking neon sign.

To add to that, I didn’t have the looks, talent, nor interests that the “cool people” had growing up. So when you were that easy to bully, it was better to keep quiet instead of ruffling anyone’s feathers.

But as I started to become confident of who I was as a person, I realized that it wasn’t the other people suppressing my voice.

It’s the demon inside my head that keeps telling me it’s better to shut up and stay in my own comfort zone.

The unexplainable anxiety

The worst part about being shy is that it can attack you out of nowhere! I can do all the motivational inner monologues and power poses I want, but the anxiety that comes with being shy will just keep coming back.

This can manifest itself in a lot of ways like bumbling like an idiot in front of a crowd or pretending not to hear or read something that was sent to me. It’s not like I don’t know what to say, but I just can’t bring myself to spit it out.

And that is what’s so frustrating!

People don’t realize that every time I have to put myself out there, it literally drains so much of my physical and mental energy. I could present my ideas to the same people a thousand times, but still get the jitters by the 1001st time.

The “shy attacks” just come during the absolute worst times… the times when I have to be at the top of your game.

Saying no comes with the gig

Being shy means saying no to amazing possibilities because of fear. Honestly, I get so upset when I look back at all the times I had refused to take on something just because I was a dangerous combination of shy and afraid.

During the rare moments that life has passed me the ball, I just stand there and feel so… small. Before I know it, my mind has already created infinite imaginary scenarios that all end with my inevitable failure. So instead of running with it, I simply throw it back at life.

Then there are times where I know what I need to do to get ahead.

Unfortunately, that path is filled with having to deal with other people which I just can’t do without getting a heart attack. Just thinking of reaching out to strangers or any living creature is something that I find difficult to do because of the fear that I have planted in my brain.

I know that I can achieve my goals and how to reach them if only I wasn’t an overthinker. If I could learn how to shut off my brain for a while, I swear I would be so much better off.

Keeping quiet kills you

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to do something but someone swoops in to finish the job because you just sat there and did nothing? Well, welcome to the club!

A lot of times, I’ve watched as other people have taken an opportunity that was right in front of me. An opportunity that I wanted.

Instead of taking it for myself, I constantly let fear and anxiety get the best of me. I mean even if I wanted to, I can’t blame anybody but myself for that.

And there comes a point in life where these moments of denying yourself opportunities pile up and take a toll on you. For shy people, dreaming about the what if’s are a constant battle that eats away at them.

There are times when I would beat myself up over chances I’ve passed up from eons ago. They haunt me in my sleep!

I know I could be the star of the show, but I just settle for being a B+ player. And you know why that is? Because of fear.

The other obstacle

Where does this fear of speaking up and showing off come from? For me, it all stems from a damaged self-esteem.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m okay with being good enough when I know I could do so much more.

Even if I am somewhat confident in my skills, there’s always something inside me that feels like I am simply not meant to be bigger. I tell myself that I’m not bad but I will never be extraordinary.

I’ve come to a point where I am so aware of my own mistakes that I’m always the first one to criticize everything I do.

Aside from that, I also suffer a lot from pretty bad imposter syndrome. Any moment now, I feel like people will finally catch on that I’m not as good as they make me out to be — that I’m simply a fraud.

It’s gotten so bad that most of the time, I don’t believe compliments and praise about myself and my work anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I’m okay receiving them but deep inside, they don’t really reassure me that I’m good.

What now?

This is usually the part in the article where I give some words of wisdom, but honestly I don’t have much to impart now. I feel like this problem has been cooking up my entire life, so it’s gonna take some time for me to nip this in the bud.

Although, what has been helping me is directly putting myself in the line of fire, so to speak. Sometimes before my mind even catches itself thinking, I already open my mouth to say something and let instinct take over.

Because the moment I let doubt seep into my brain, I curl back to my own little shell.

I know there are people who can relate to my experience too. Since this is such an “internal” problem, I think the only way we could get out of it is making the conscious everyday choices to keep the demon in our head quiet.

Who knows, maybe this is a problem that will never go away. But as long as we are able to keep our shyness from making choices that make us happy, we should be okay.

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The post Being Shy with a Low Self-Esteem Has Gotten Me Nowhere appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

You’re lost, and you’re at a scary point in your life. You can’t help but feel like you need someone older to guide you. But it’s okay, young grasshopper. You don’t need a mentor.

Going through the maze of life is already confusing in and of itself. But trying to find my way through the darkness without somebody holding the proverbial flashlight for me is unbelievably difficult. While the only thing some people wish for in life is a faithful lover or a loving child, I’ve always asked the higher beings for something else: a mentor. Oh, how I envy the people who have that special someone with the right answers to all their questions — a crystal ball that holds all the wisdom that they need to conquer the road ahead.

As much as I love to tout that I’m an independent boy, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on so much in life when I feel like I’m doing it on my own. I mean sure, I have a strong support system in my family and friends. I’ve even had college professors who were beyond inspirational. But I always felt like I was never a Cory Matthews to any Mr. Feeny’s. Nobody has really believed that much in me that they decided to take me under their wing.

Not gonna lie, that fact in of itself has really messed with my self-esteem. My relationships with my teachers are one-way admiration at best.

It’s not anyone’s fault though; I get total social anxiety talking to people of authority. I don’t know what it is, but I have a difficult time talking to older people like they’re actual human beings. I tend to treat them as people I have to be nice to, rather than people I can pour out my soul to. And it just gets harder for me to connect with them because I have it inside my head that they don’t really like me. After all, they only get to see the side of me that’s designed to impress, rather than somebody whom they can root for.

No one really believes in me. At least, I don’t think so.

And that’s what makes it so frustrating.

During the times where I have little to no confidence in myself, there’s no one to assure me that I can do it and actually mean it. There is nobody who will leave me be in arduous situations to find my own way, but keep a watchful eye to make sure I’m okay. There is nobody I can talk to about what I want to do in the future and tell me that I can do way better. There is nobody who will be tough on me and eloquently debrief me once l’ve learned my lesson.

These are the times I think to myself… I need a mentor.

While my friends are a good soundboard for all my personal frustrations, I feel like it’s different when advice comes from someone who knows what they’re talking about. Digging deeper, I guess that’s also why I invest so heavily in watching television shows and movies; I’ve substituted the mentor figure in my life with a mere electronic gadget displaying color and playing sounds.

For instance, Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy is someone I’ve attached myself so deeply to. Even though she’s just a TV character, I’ve witnessed her go through the endless ups and downs of life for over 15 years that the show has been on air. There’s something about watching a surgeon overcome personal and professional obstacles that inspire me to become better.

And it’s not just her.

There are talented television writers who know how to craft true-to-life scripts and quotable one-liners that make me stop and ponder on my own life. I know that any scene, line, or character arc that moves me to tears was probably written by somebody who has experienced something similar in their own lives. Hence, it must be credible.

And as delusional as it may sound, I always feel like those particular scenes were written especially for me, as if God was talking to me through the television.

I guess a little delusion is needed to survive this mentor-less life.

Because when you feel like nobody is there to give you words of wisdom, you’ll find a sense of authority in the characters you see on screen. Or the characters in your book, a Disney Channel Original Movie, a tear-jerking Jollibee commercial… every line with a hint of semblance to your own life will sound like gospel. And you run with it.

Some of the pivotal decisions I have made are all thanks to television. Pursuing a communications degree was all thanks to Scandal’s Olivia Pope and my fleeting dream of becoming a crisis fixer. Then at some point before senior year, I swore that it was my destiny to become a doctor just like Meredith Grey. And after binge-watching some Shark Tank episodes, I swore that I was born to be a successful entrepreneur like Mark Cuban. Okay, that one’s not fictional, but the point stands.

Who knows what fortune a show will bring me next time?

I guess what I want to try to say is, you don’t really need a mentor. But it will require you some inner stability, unfounded self-confidence, and creative ways of motivating yourself. For me, it was watching television and living vicariously through the characters. As you get used to it though, you’ll slowly learn how to depend more on the voice inside of you.

Now that I’m twenty-two, I know that it’s not too late for me to find someone to fill that particular void in my life. But even if I never get one, I’ll be okay. Because I realize that I’ve only gotten better as a person without depending on anyone else. I learned to pick myself up and find my way around with just me shining the light.

At the very least, I feel like I’m doing my part in making sure that other people who feel like they need a mentor can look up to me even in the littlest ways. I am definitely not the best choice to be anybody’s role model by any means, but hey, there’s no harm in trying.

When I found my groove in college, I really took it upon myself to step up in leadership roles. What started out as a way to prepare myself for my own future (and a kick-ass resume) became an enjoyable avenue to influence people younger than myself. You can pay forward something that wasn’t passed onto you.

That’s what life’s like when you can’t confide your goals and dreams to people older than you.

It will feel aimless at times, but you’ll find yourself reaching the finish line somehow. There’ll probably be a lot of mistakes made, but because of them, you’ll learn faster than everyone else. You’ll be fighting a lot of demons just to convince yourself that you can keep going. That’s what makes you stronger than them. And somewhere along the way, you’ll realize that the limit does not exist because you say it doesn’t.

It’s scary, difficult, and oftentimes, frustrating. But in the end, you’ll come out a dreamer, always excited for what’s to come.

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The post No, You Don’t Need a Mentor (You Just Need Yourself) appeared first on Zoomers Corner.