Taking online classes does not mean our life is going to get any easier. In fact, it’s probably going to make us more exhausted than we’ve ever felt before. But if there’s anything that we’ve learned from boy scouts, preparation is key.

So you better buckle up because we’re going to reveal two secrets that can help you figure out how not to get burned out in school!

Secret 1: Learn to say no.

You probably know that you should be doing it. But the harder part is learning how to say no, right? While that is another topic in of itself, I could tell you right now that the biggest thing you need to be able to say no is having some degree of selfishness.

Well we could call it being selfish, but it’s really looking out for yourself. Learning to say no is one of the greatest forms of self-care that you’re probably not practicing.

There are two factors that may be driving you to agree to every opportunity in front of you: guilt and excitement.

 Guilt 

In this context, guilt is something you feel inside, but is brought on by external factors. There are many situations where this feeling may manifest. Common ones include a sibling asking you for a favor, or a friend asking if you can help them out.

We’re not telling you to say no to other people the moment they ask you for your time and effort. But always consider asking “why” before you agree to help out. Then, weigh out your options.

I would personally be hesitant to drop everything I’m doing just to help out someone who’s cramming a paper because they were getting wasted last night. Ultimately, whom you choose to give your time to boils down to you.

Although the greatest sin you could commit is saying yes to someone whom you don’t feel deserves it.

It may seem like it’s rude to say no to someone, but remember that they are simply asking for your time and effort. If they get pissed at you, that speaks more about their character than it does yours.

No one should force you into doing anything but yourself because it’s not your fault if you already have too much on your plate already.

Sure you may feel guilty when you say no, but it’s something you have to deal with to learn how not to get burned out in school.

 Excitement 

Being excited to do everything is a great way to easily get burned out. And unlike guilt, this is something brought upon by your own volition. What you need from yourself is to muster up a little thing called patience.

The feeling of excitement is heavily tied to one’s ambitions. When you’re as young as you are, it’s easy to get caught up in your desire to learn everything you can about the world. Unfortunately, this can lead you to try out so many things at once that you’ll end up spreading yourself too thin.

Do you have those friends with a million extracurricular activities? We call them the Type A leader.

More often than not, no one is forcing them to be a member of all these student groups, but their excitement to try out everything is driving them to make these choices. There are people who crave for that kind of exhaustion in their lives, and there are people who find fun somewhere else.

What may be good for your growth and happiness may not necessarily be good for your mental and emotional state.

You have to catch yourself during these times and have the guts to say no to yourself. It’s easier than it sounds, but everyone has some sort of self-driven motivation that will make them say yes to every shiny opportunity.

So how exactly do you avoid giving into your own excitement?

Secret 2: Plot out your priorities. Then cut them down.

You can’t do everything at once. Whether you like it or not, there will come a time where you’ll just have too many things in your plate. The worst thing you could do is add unnecessary tasks because of guilt or excitement.

It’s common sense. When your stomach is already full, you don’t order another plate; you remove it from your system.

The important thing you need to do is to mentally or physically note what your priorities are for the immediate future, and the weeks to come. And priorities here don’t necessarily mean work. This is not a to-do list where every item needs to be ticked off.

Priorities can refer to things or activities that you find valuable: reading a book, going out with friends, doing a skincare routine. Once you’ve ranked them from most important to least, it’s time to remove the ones at the bottom of the list. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to completely forget about them, it’s just that those things are gonna have to wait.

You only have 24 hours in a day. Something’s got to give.

Accepting this fact is the first step to learning how not to get burned out.

If you’re having a difficult time cancelling or “postponing” your priorities, then ask yourself: what do I need right now?

Sometimes you just need to get a certain assignment done because of a looming deadline. And sometimes, you just need to rest, so put off the online workshop you were going to attend and spend more time with your family.

Being focused on what you really need to do will help you fight guilt and excitement because you’ll know that you are saying no with purpose.

You want to learn another secret about how not to get burned out in school? Stop trying to be perfect. In this article, we give you tips on how you can avoid falling into that trap. Never miss out on anything by following us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Featured Image: Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

The post How Students Can Avoid Burnout by Learning these 2 Secrets appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

With many schools transitioning to online classes as a response to coronavirus, there is a new problem that students should expect to face. It’s a form of anxiety that one gets from being on video calls with other people.

Social anxiety has taken on another form to what we’d like to call “Zoom anxiety”. Whether it’s by force or by one’s own accord, meeting with someone online can weigh heavily on someone and cause a great level of discomfort.

For the students who suffer from major social anxiety, online classes spell doom.

But how exactly does Zoom anxiety manifest itself in the ways we interact with the video conferencing app? Let’s take a look!

1. You open Zoom just in time.

Nobody likes small talk, especially through Zoom. That’s why when your meeting is scheduled at 11:30, you make sure you enter the room at exactly that time — not a second earlier. It’s better to be called our for being late than having to dabble in conversations while waiting for everyone to come in.

2. You spend too much time preparing how you look.

You pre-plan your clothes, lighting & background not because you want to look good, but because you don’t want to be judged. In a meeting with many people, it’s hard not to feel self-conscious when you know every action that you do will be caught on camera.

It only makes sense that you always have that fear of looking less than perfect when you’re in these calls.

3. Zoom is the last resort.

You’re also probably the person who hates receiving phone calls out of the blue. You make sure every means of communication is exhausted before agreeing to go on an online call with someone. Not only are Zoom meetings a major hassle, but things are just easier when people don’t have to hear nor see you speak.

4. You know the answer but you don’t unmute.

Being shy has a lot to do with social anxiety. And a person who’s already reluctant to speak their mind in a face-to-face situation may find it even more difficult to do so in a Zoom room.

Just imaging your big face pop up on Speaker View while your classmates hear every layer of your voice through their earphones makes you want to cringe. So in the end, you just let others speak up.

5. You practice what you’re going to say.

According to this article from Discovery Magazine, it may actually be a helpful way to relive some of your anxiety. When you have something to present on Zoom, you tend to overrehearse what you plan to say.

Hell, you may not even have a presentation, but you’re constantly thinking of possible things you’re going to say in the slight chance someone else in the meeting puts you on the spot.

6. Sharing your screen is a no-no.

To you, sharing your screen is like letting people take a peek in your diary; it’s just too personal for your liking. And when you have to do it, you’re always frightened and wary of what people may discover about you.

God forbid they see an embarrassing pop-up… or your browsing history!

7. Breakout rooms is code red.

You may not have heard about the breakout room feature of Zoom. But as someone who hates this, I must warn you about this awful feature beforehand.

If you’re in a bigger meeting, the host can break you out into smaller groups of their choosing. So this means that your teacher can put you in a room with classmates you have never spoken a word to before. Talk about an anxiety-inducing situation!

8. You hide your video at times.

Sometimes, Zoom anxiety can just hit out of nowhere. There are calls where you’re confident enough to turn on your video, but there are also days when it’s the total opposite. As a result of your internal panic, you simply shut off your camera so the rest of the world will leave you alone.

9. You leave the room ASAP.

There’s nothing like the feeling of clicking that red “Leave Meeting” button. While everyone else is still doing their post-meeting small talk or saying goodbye to each other, you’re the type to skedaddle out of there.

You will not let anyone see you on camera a second more than they need to, periodt.

Whether we like it or not, Zoom anxiety isn’t going anytime soon. We live in a day and age where video conferencing apps are becoming the norm, with or without coronavirus.

We don’t even use them just for school or work anymore. They’ve become useful in catching up with people who are apart from us. And even with these fun affairs, Zoom anxiety can still kick in.

So what can socially anxious people like ourselves do given everything? In this Style interview with Eugene Farrell, he gives one solid piece of advice: support our negative thoughts with facts. Because only then will you realize that all our anxiety is unfounded.

For example, if you feel like people will judge you for having messy hair in Zoom calls, then you’re letting your thoughts get ahead of the facts. Has anyone mocked you for it? Probably not!

Most probably, people don’t care. You’ve seen someone else with messy hair before, but you didn’t give a damn.

Carefully placing yourself in situations that give you anxiety can actually help you move past it. I remember staying mute (literally and figuratively) during my first months at work due to my Zoom anxiety. But I can tell you that I wouldn’t be as comfortable as I am today with the idea of video calls if I didn’t battle the overthinking in my head.

There are days where it still hits me, but it does get easier.

How has your experience been with Zoom? Let us know in the comments below. If you loved this article, then we have more relatable articles for zoomers like you! Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Featured Image: Charles Deluvio and JESHOOTS.com

The post ‘Zoom Anxiety’ is a Real Problem (and 9 Signs You Have it) appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

In the next few weeks, high schools and colleges will be welcoming a new school year. That means some of us will be taking our classes virtually in our homes until the pandemic subside. Fortunately or unfortunately, the effects of online classes in the Philippines will be felt by every student who has already enrolled for the upcoming semester.

Here’s our list of painful reminders that the school year just won’t be the same due to the new normal.

Are you one of the people who’s always willing to go out in between or after classes? Unfortunately, you can kiss your kaladkarin self a temporary goodbye. Eating out, buying milk tea, and getting cocktail pitchers together with friends are just some of the things you’ll be missing in the coming months.

While we’re locked up at home, it’s easy to see how much we took those simple moments for granted. And with online classes, we’re just going to miss our friends even more! How much longer can we survive without physically seeing them?

Let’s be real: online classes are just like the online courses you take in Coursera. Aside from a Zoom lecture from your professor, you’ll probably just end up watching videos and reading white papers online to understand the lesson.

Gone are the days of in-classroom activities that have you presenting a Manila paper or a silly little skit with other people. I mean we probably hated doing those things back then, but right now, we are begging for those days to come back.

With that said, we’re challenging teachers to come up with exciting ways to engage students in their online classes. Because of your employers, most of us paid full-price tuition this year no matter how unfair it is. So please don’t make us feel like we could have gotten higher-quality education from a free online course instead.

The first few months of quarantine have already taken such a heavy toll on our mental health. It’s difficult to concentrate on studying when there are so many trashy things happening outside our homes. I think students who were forced to take online classes before the previous school year had ended could attest to the fact.

At the start of quarantine, we’ve come up with creative ways to cope with the pandemic like making dalgona coffee or baking something trendy in the kitchen. But going through a robotic five-day school week without anything else to do can make us go crazy.

If you ever feel this way during the year, make sure to take a mental break! To help you, we have some tips on how you can mentally survive online classes.

Not everyone has the same privileges that you enjoy. The fact that you’re able to read this article on a phone connected to your home wi-fi network means that you are already privileged!

One of the effects of online classes in the Philippines is that it will become much more obvious how every student has unequal opportunities given to them. For example, you will have classmates who just can’t be online all the time because of financial or emotional setbacks.

And for you, that means practicing patience and empathy during times where someone’s lack of privilege hinders them from performing well.

Literally everybody is adjusting to the pandemic so the least you could do is avoid being an added burden to anyone.

Aside from acads, schools are a place for students with common interests to come together in the form of extracurricular activities. It’s not only teachers who have to adjust to the virtual set-up, but student leaders as well.

These clubs have to get really creative with how they do things. For example, it will be interesting how an org that revolves around team sports is going to operate, as opposed to an org that revolves around discussing films.

To the student leaders, it’s important to realize the potential your club can offer to its members as an escape from the mundanity of online classes. Those who will constantly find ways to keep the whole club together will stand out from the rest of the pack.

But honestly though, don’t take your responsibilities too seriously; we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

Everyone knows that the best part of going back to school is finding new crushable classmates on the first day! While this joy is not completely taken away from us during the pandemic, it will be way more difficult.

Aside from the fact that it will take some added skill and determination to get your crush to notice you, Zoom isn’t really a great way to truly determine if one is cute or not. I mean, I’m just being honest here.

You can’t even sit next to them to start a conversation anymore. All you have in your back pocket is the courage to chat up a cute classmate — someone whom you only met through an online class. Tinder is shaking.

But you know what, we are zoomers after all. If there’s someone we want to flirt with, we will make a way!

We can’t talk about the effects of online classes in the Philippines without addressing the recess and lunch situation. Whether you’re in high school or college, it’s always the most exciting part of the day!

For high school students who rely on cafeteria food, this may come as a positive thing if they never liked eating them in the first place. But I’m sure you’re going to miss at least one particular food stall, snack or drink that only your cafeteria can provide.

For college students, just imagine all your favorite restaurants and in-school food stalls that you won’t be able to buy from for some time. Additionally, food trips will temporarily be a thing of the past too.

Home-cooked food will be what the foreseeable future has in store for you which actually might not be a bad thing. In fact, it’s one of our six useful tips to help you (and your family) save up on some money.

And speaking of…

Say goodbye to your baon? It’s time to have that difficult conversation with mom and dad about whether or not you should be given allowance while classes take place remotely.

We know it sucks in all fronts, but we have to give it up to our parents who are working extremely hard to send us to online school in the first place. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s the poor handling of coronavirus in the country & schools making us pay full tuition.

But going back, just be prepared to hear the bad news. You will probably not get as large an allowance as you once did… dun dun dun.

When it comes to online classes, everybody is still dipping their toes in the water. Some will adjust faster, and some won’t.

One thing’s fore sure though: people will find it difficult to understand your choices which means you will have to justify yourself all the time. So just take a deep breath, and don’t let it get to your head.

There will be times when your parents will nag at you because they won’t understand how difficult online classes really are. Or maybe you’re the classmate who can’t go online for a group meeting because your internet is unstable. Or maybe, you’ll have to tell your teacher why it was imperative for your mental health to take a day off.

Or you know, you could be this girl who had to beg her teacher to retake a test because of an honest “meatball accident”.

If writing about the effects of online classes in the Philippines made me feel anything, it’s that school really is our second home. It’s so important that literally all aspects of our lives have been affected because of the shift to online classes.

While we’re thankful that we are able to enroll in them, it’s a shame that quality of education and the entire student experience have to suffer because of it. And that’s just one of the many issues that online classes present.

For all the students out there entering this unique situation soon, I hope this article has helped you mentally and emotionally prepare for the months to come.

What do you foresee will be a problem for you as a student because of the shift to online classes? Let us know in the comments below! Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Twitter to keep yourself updated on all things zoomer-related.

The post 9 Ways the New School Year Will Hit Different Because of Online Classes appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

Is it okay to go outside? Unless you’ve been living under a rock, then you know that coronavirus cases have been rising exponentially in the Philippines. Hospitals are once again reaching full capacity, and the end is nowhere in sight.

So it’s a bit troubling to watch people on their IG Stories live life like there’s no pandemic going on. While we continue to hold the government accountable, I think we should also acknowledge our own role in improving the state of our country.

The Problem with Instagram Stories

Let’s address the elephant in the room. I look at my IG Stories, and it’s crazy how the people who claim to miss the pre-coronavirus world so much are the ones who have been incessantly going out too. Don’t get it twisted: I said incessantly.

And to unapologetically post videos of themselves in such a public platform too… like, are they trying to get themselves cancelled?

I’m of course, not talking about those who have to leave their house for essential errands. Nor am I talking about going on a quick drive to do something then returning home immediately. Nor the people going on protests!

My issue is with the people who are physically with their friends every day and clearly not observing social distancing outside of their house!

To these people: I’m all about giving zero fucks what other people think, but you have to know why it’s infuriating for your friends who watch your stories, right?

I feel like you’re smart enough and have a big brain on you.

So when the thought came across your mind that you might get flack for posting said story, I wonder why you still chose to do it anyway.

Was there a disconnect between your brain and your finger? Do you just like annoying people? I just want to know the thinking process behind it!

Posting on IG isn’t the bigger issue here, but I would be lying if I said seeing these stories aren’t a little bit triggering.

There are what we call finsta accounts, so if you want to shut up people like me or avoid judgement from your friends, maybe it’s better if you post everything there.

If you’re bored, be thankful.

It would be good to remind everyone that being bored does not mean it is okay to go outside. Out of all the reasons you could have for leaving the house, this is probably the worst one.

I guess it’s just frustrating because there are people risking their lives every day to go to work and place food in their table. They either put up with the hellish commute every day or are always in physical contact with others. If given a choice, they would most probably choose to be bored at home rather than putting their loved ones and themselves at risk.

Boredom is a privilege that you should be thankful to have, because some Filipinos would kill to have it.

I can’t tell you how to live your life. but if you’re privileged enough to live in a house that has food, internet, a bed, and a shower all shouldered by your parents, then please just stay at home. You have everything you need and more!

I’m not even asking you to avoid the outside world completely because frankly, that’s impossible. Just don’t go out pretending like the virus doesn’t exist.

When can I go out?

While every person has a different take on what is “acceptable” behavior nowadays, I think we can all agree on some things that determine wheter or not it’s okay to go outside. Like for one, you start to cross the line of being irresponsible when you go out every single day doing things that you can live without.

Then there are the idiots who refuse to wear face masks, which I don’t see much of in the Philippines thankfully.

Going to your friend’s house? Definitely better than dining out with them.

By no means am I an expert on this topic, so I’m not even gonna impose my beliefs on when it is okay for you to go out. But it would be good to set your own rules that you yourself should stick to. When you do this, you can hold yourself accountable and not end up a hypocrite.

For example, here are the personal guidelines that I stick to when deciding if I should leave the house to do something:

If the answer to any of my questions is a yes, then I simply don’t go out. By having this list in my mind, I am able to hold myself back from making irresponsible trips that could put other people in danger.

Now I want to ask you: what’s on your list?

To sum up how you should act during the pandemic, just remember to always practice sensitivity. I’d just like to remind everyone that you can unknowingly be a bringer of the virus and harm somebody without meaning to. And we definitely don’t need to see you going against quarantine protocols on Insta every day.

It is also important to note that it is okay to go outside the house.

But keep your loved ones safe by reducing the time you spend needlessly going on dates with friends. And when you go out, please be responsible and cautious.

Rule of thumb: if you have to think about whether going somewhere is okay or not, then it’s probably not okay. The fact that you had to pause and ask yourself if it is okay to go outside means that it’s not necessary for you to do so.

You’re a zoomer; you already know what you’re supposed to do so just avoid being a stubborn piece of work.

What do you think are acceptable reasons to go out of the house during the pandemic? Share your answer in the comments below! Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Want to hear more hot takes from zoomers? Click here to read more!

Featured Image: Ana Madeleine on Pexels

The post Why People are Judging You Because of Your IG Stories During COVID-19 appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

Stop trying to be the perfect person. You’re not Superman or Wonder Woman. It’s time we normalize being mediocre because success doesn’t always mean happiness. In fact, the drive of being perfect all the time can kill you. We’re gonna have to stop being a perfectionist someday.

What kind of perfectionist are you?

Every perfectionist has their own motivation that explains why they want to overachieve all the time. A study conducted across three decades identified three types of perfectionists, succinctly explained by Evolve Treatment Centers.

Self-oriented perfectionists find the desire to become perfect from within themselves. Usually, this translates to a higher level of productivity and career growth.

Other-oriented perfectionists are those who expect other people to be perfect. They’re the type to judge too harshly because they have high standards for everyone else. Basically, this is the groupmate that chooses to do everything themselves rather than assign tasks to others.

Socially-prescribed perfectionists are those who feel a pressure to perform better because of other people’s expectations, and as a result, are prone to getting anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, being pressured by external factors puts them at a higher risk of self-harm.

What are the downsides to being a perfectionist?

You might have identified yourself as a self-oriented perfectionist and thought: a higher level of productivity and career growth? There’s nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, you’re not off the hook. No matter what kind of perfectionist you are, thinking like one is generally associated with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and depression. That’s because of the voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough. Being a perfectionist is an endless train of thought where you never feel a sense of self-adequacy. Or when you do, it’s just temporary.

When it comes to work, be prepared for major burnout and stress. While it’s true that perfectionists are more motivated, they also work way longer hours. “Get a life, ya workaholic,” said the voice in your head as you willingly open a new Google Docs tab.

You want to know something really interesting though? In a study by Harvard Business Review, they saw no correlation between perfectionism and performance. This means that the people who put in extra work to make sure everything is in tip-top shape don’t necessarily perform better. As the popular adage goes: work smart, not hard.

Is it possible to stop being a perfectionist? Definitely, but we can’t change our behavior overnight.  The last thing we want to do is trying to be perfect at not being a perfectionist.

But here are small reminders that we could give for zoomers who can’t help but overachieve:

Motivate yourself the right way.

When you start to constantly doubt yourself and your abilities, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate your “why”. There’s a fine line between healthy motivation and toxic overachievement.

Your motivation should be the reason you get up in the morning and look forward to living life. It’s something that should make you happy, as opposed to something you dread. For example, going through a school or work week because there’s a big party on Friday night is motivation. Doing it just because you don’t want a grade lower than a B+ is something that just stresses you out.

Imagine yourself in that situation: you’re on your desk at 3 AM anxiously overstudying all the reviewers and slides for midterms. Then you start to break down because the test is in a few hours, and you start to doubt that you’re ever gonna get a grade higher than a B+. All this, while someone who just wants to go to that Friday night party is probably asleep having studied the right amount… not stressing.

When you pick out your reason for doing something, make sure that it will not cause additional anxiety. Having a positive source of motivation is important for you to stop being a perfectionist.

Be realistic.

When your goals start becoming unrealistic, you should re-align them to be more achievable. For example, when we don’t reach our goals in a certain time, we tend to overcompensate by working a hundred times harder in one big burst. By the end of the day, we’re too exhausted for life.

There’s a reason why they say life is not a sprint, but a marathon. You’re not supposed to rush through the process because if you do, you’re just gonna end up being the loser.

I thought time would be a great example for this piece of advice because that’s where we usually fall short when setting our SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic & time-bound) goals. Yes, you can be a CEO of a hundred million-peso company but you can’t give up when you’re just a month in.

Just remember to be honest with yourself when evaluating your capabilities in relation to your goal. And by the way, don’t feel like you’re settling when you adjust or scale down your goal to something more achievable. It’s perfectly normal!

Trust others to take the lead.

You could stop being a perfectionist by not trying to fix everything yourself. It’s just impossible!

We talked about how being a perfectionist could lead to intense burnout. Well, it could be a byproduct of wanting to solve every issue that pops up, and having a hand in every single decision that’s made. But sometimes, you just have to step away and pass the baton to other people.

I know how hard it could be to do that especially if they have let you down before. I’ve been in that position; I get you.

Although, it’s important to realize that not everyone is at their 100% all the time. Maybe they were just off their game during that time they “broke your trust” when you had delegated a task to them. Try to understand that, and look at the things that they’ve done right. ‘Cause that probably outweighs all the shortcomings that they have.

Learn to trust others, and build genuine connections with other people to foster that trust. It’s time you learned the value of teamwork.

Besides, who’s to say your version of perfect is the only version of perfect? You might just be making things worse putting your hands where they shouldn’t be.

Learn to prioritize.

Human beings in general have a lot of goals they want to achieve. However, everyday life is already so draining that we can’t do everything that we set out to do.

If you’re one of the people that believes you can be everything that you want to be, then make sure you’re not tiring yourself out. There are only 24 hours in a day, and you’ll have to make a ton of compromises to not go through life like a walking zombie.

In that case, it’s important to know what you need to do, what you really want to do, what you just want to do, and what you can cut from your life completely.

When you don’t do this, something’s gonna give eventually and mess everything up, domino effect-style. It’s better to avoid going through all that in the first place by determining what goals can wait and what cannot.

Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t really “stop being a perfectionist”. I mean for most of us, we’ve seen good results in our lives from dreaming big.

But the important thing is to not lean too hard into a toxic mindset where it becomes normal to beat yourself up over being “just okay”. While being excellent is impressive, being okay will suffice a lot of times. Know when to turn on the perfectionist switch, but always remember to turn it off!

Are you anxious over graduating and need some advice on that too? Read our article on lessons for college graduates. Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Featured Image: Anna Shvets on Pexels

The post What You Don’t Know about Being a Perfectionist (and How to Stop) appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

Is love in quarantine even real or is everything just a quaranfling? Dating during coronavirus in the Philippines has been one giant obstacle for us singles since we’ve decided to lock ourselves at home.

Even if we wanted to put ourselves out there, it’s become such a challenge to meet new people in these times. And when you do get past the hurdle of having an actual physical date with someone, more challenges you if you want to maintain those relationships.

However, just like the rest of the world, single people have been making ways to adjust to the pandemic. So how exactly has the dating and hookup game changed after more than 100 days in quarantine?

1. Dating apps are becoming a hot commodity.

Since people have been ordered to stay at home, there has been an incessant use of the three dating app giants: Tinder, Bumble & Grindr. In March, Tinder was the highest-grossing app in the world, while Bumble has been seeing lengthier, higher-quality conversations among its users. As a free gift during quarantine, some of these apps have even offered the feature of talking with people from other countries.

Seriously though, how are you going to meet new people the “old-fashioned” way? I can already imagine us zoomers telling our kids how we met our spouses through Tinder during the whole pandemic. That’s gonna be quite the story, isn’t it?

2. You’re forced to be sure about someone.

Dating during coronavirus means having to only meet someone in person when you really need to. I mean, do you really want to risk getting Ms. Rona from a date with a rando that you’re gonna forget about the next day?

While hookups are a totally different ballgame, a person looking for something serious may only want to meet with you if you’re worth the risk. So take it as a compliment when someone asks you out during this time. There’s a chance they’re doing it because they see potential in you as a serious partner.

Or they’re just lonely and need physical touch. That’s a possiblity, too.

3. Netflix and chill has never been more real.

What would your ideal first date be: a picnic in the park, a fancy restaurant, or a trip to the movies? Too bad, ’cause you’re probably just gonna have yours at each other’s places.

This spells disaster for Filipinos where it’s commonplace to stay under your parents’ roof ’til you’re married. There’s also the tiny problem of not being able to run away when the date is going terribly.

But on the other hand, things can become more intimate when you’re just chilling and enjoying each other’s company. Maybe a Netflix and chill date isn’t as bad as you think it is!

… We’ll let you decide what “Netflix and chill” means.

4. Gift-giving is a must.

So the first date went perfectly, but you don’t want to risk getting the virus again. You’re also tired of saying sweet nothings to each other through text. For the older zoomers, maybe you’ve had virtual sex already.

How else do you express your affection but by sending them care packages through Lalamove? Or surprising someone with a treat from GrabFood?

It’s such a lovely gesture to give gifts in an anxiety-inducing time. No matter what you decide to send over to someone, I’m sure they’ll appreciate it a lot.

On that note, we want to express our utmost support and gratitude to the deliverymen who go out there every day being a messenger of love. Tip them handsomely, kids!

5. There’s more paranoia than ever.

Do you know how sometimes a person you meet through Tinder just seems too good to be true?

Well imagine that feeling on top of the thought that they’re just using you to pass boredom. Doubting someone’s true intentions and honesty is probably a dating trend that will continue during these times.

Always make sure you’re cautious of the people you meet online. They might just like the feeling you give them, but they may not necessarily like you.

6. People have become more clingy.

Who knew online dating could be so high-maintenance?

Don’t be surprised if someone seems overly excited to interact with you. With everyone being apart from their friends and family for so long, dating during coronavirus has become a playground for separation anxiety.

This pandemic has already taken a lot from us, so excuse us if we’re a little pushy and clingy and never want the conversation to end.

7. Ghosting is easier.

If you want to try dating during coronavirus, then you better emotionally prepare yourself. Unfortunately, getting ghosted has become a stronger possibility in these times.

Think about it: it’s easier to leave somebody hanging and ignore them forever when it’s become more difficult to physically meet up with each other. Also, with there being more users on these apps, who’s to say that you’re not just another replaceable number for somebody?

It all ties back to the fact that some people right now just want to flirt and go on virtual dates for fun. Nothing more.

This spells trouble for those who are looking to find real romantic partners. One day, you might be thinking of taking the next step with a person but then, they’ll never ever reply back to you again. Like, ever.

So to all my ghosters reading this, please grow up and face the music. Behind the screen, there’s a real person with real feelings. Everyone is more anxious these days, so you’re actually harming someone’s mental disposition and emotional confidence when you ghost them.

We know we kind of ended the article on a sad note. But if you have the self-esteem for it, we don’t see why you shouldn’t try out dating during coronavirus!

And if you’re one of the lucky birds who has had a successful love story during these times, we want to hear you out in the comments. Same goes for the people who want to share their thoughts or own (failed) experiences!

Dating can be a coping mechanism for Filipinos not only because of the pandemic, but because the government decided some things are more important than coronavirus. Read more now!

Featured Image: cottonbro on Pexels

The post How Coronavirus Has Changed the Way Filipinos Date appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

The post QUIZ: How Many of These Quarantine Bucket List Items Have You Done? appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

It seems like every high school in the Philippines has an open secret: teachers are flirting with their own (underage) students… or worse. Don’t even try to call it anything other than what it is. There is a rampant problem of sexual abuse in schools, and it needs to stop.

First off, I would like to start this article with a content warning. I would also appreciate it if you could comment hotlines or organizations our readers can call in the Philippines specifically for child sexual abuse survivors.

Does This Really Happen?

Yes, it does.

If you’re a student, then a teacher from your high school probably entered your mind reading this. I can recall stories of people from different schools talking about it when we were in high school. Furthermore, a quick look into the Twitterverse will reveal that these things do happen in the Philippines.

It’s probably the giant elephant in the faculty room, too. If rumors are already swirling around the student population, then the teachers must already know that something fishy is going on. The question is, why is nobody doing something about it? Are they unaware, or do they choose to turn a blind eye to keep the peace?

The most difficult thing to handle for me is that we didn’t even know how messed up the whole situation was when we were still in high school. I remember hearing about teachers who flirted with their students or asked for their nudes, and no one really batted an eyelash. And for those who are unaware, yes, there were also some accounts of worse sexual activities being done.

Back then, these things would be the punchline of a joke, or just mere gossip to talk about during recess.

But only now, five years after leaving high school, do I realize that I was so vulnerable back then. It literally gives me chills knowing that I walked the halls with sexual predators disguised as teachers. It could’ve been me. Worse, I feel guilty for being so apathetic about this issue back then. I could’ve been friends with a survivor of sexual abuse, but I didn’t know a lot about the issue.

Most of what I know about the effects of sexual abuse in schools, I only knew after I had graduated. Even though I can’t turn back time to fix my mistakes from the past, now that I know better.

This is What Counts as Sexual Abuse

Before anything, let’s define what sexual abuse is. According to The National Child Trauma Stress Network, child sexual abuse includes both touching and non-touching behaviors, and occurs when a child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator. While it is often equated with child molestation, there is a semantic issue with using that term, because it is mainly associated with only physical acts. Sexual abuse on the other hand, is not just about using physical force. And that fact is important to high school students who may not know that they’re actually being sexually abused right in front of their eyes.

Let’s work with the definition that we have and see what teachers do that counts as sexual abuse. This list is thanks to the folks at National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

• Sexual touching of a child – clothed or not (remember, even if it’s not meant to be sexual, do not let any person touch you without your consent even if it is your teacher)
• Showing pornography
• Exposing a child to sexual acts
• Forcing a child to take part in sexual acts
• Making a child undress or touch someone else
• Making a child masturbate
• Forcing a child to take part in sexual activities or online conversations

If you’re a sexual predator reading this list and didn’t see your actions above, you’re still not off the hook. Child sexual exploitation refers to giving a child anything (usually money or food) in return for sexual activities. On the other hand, child grooming is when a predator “prepares” a child for sexual activity later on, usually when they’re of legal age. When grooming a child, predators may also establish an emotional connection with them and their loved ones.

If that didn’t get you, then know that you’re a pedophile if you’re attracted to people who have not reached puberty yet. Needless to say, that is nothing to be proud of… and it’s illegal. In the Philippines, sexual activity with someone under 18 constitutes child abuse and exploitation.

Honestly, the fact that there are so many types of child abuse is disgusting. How many people on earth had to be preyed on for these distinctive terms to pop up?

What Happens to Children Sexual Abuse Survivors?

Sexual abuse is often associated with anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and self-blame. It is not uncommon for survivors to develop body issues and eating disorders as they grow older. They are also prone to suicidal thoughts, and may lead to self-harm. Unfortunately, the effects stay with them until they’re adults with many of them suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

What Can We Do?

Listen, this isn’t journalism. I am no expert on this deep matter and this article is something that I just had to get off my system after hearing some disturbing news about my high school. With that said, to students who have experienced or witnessed sexual abuse in schools, I want to link you to some resources instead.

If you’re a student who feels like they’ve been sexually abused, you can refer to this article to know some things you can do to help you through this. Know that legal action is an available option when you’re ready.

If you’re a friend of someone who was sexually abused, you can take a look at this article to learn how you can support them. Although this one is about sexual assault, the “how you can help” section is pretty applicable to someone who has gone through sexual abuse. Lastly, this article about traumatic events with input from counselors goes into more detail about how to go about it.

Finding online resources addressed to sexual abuse victims and their friends is shockingly difficult. I now realize that there is a need for us to talk about this issue openly to children. We shouldn’t just be talking to adults about sexual abuse in schools. Hey, children are the ones going through this, and they’re always online too. They need to know what they can and should do during moments of vulnerability. Yes, it is a heavy topic to discuss, but we should also do our part in destigmatizing it. In that way, the survivors would be able to feel less guilt and shame talking about their experience.

A Word to Parents

Parents, I have nothing to ask from you but to please believe your child. Whether they themselves are the survivors or not, please believe that what they’re saying is true. Looking at them like they’re crazy for bringing up sexual abuse in school is a slap in the face. If you must know, many child abuse cases go unreported, and the fear of not being believed by others may be a huge reason why.

As I’ve mentioned, these things happen, even in gender-exclusive schools. Even to boys. And yes, the sex of the teacher doesn’t matter; a predator is a predator.

It’s difficult, but please discuss these things with your child, even before you see signs of sexual abuse. Help with destigmatizing the issue. And to the parents who have developed an emotional connection with a teacher accused of sexual abuse, please do not take their side over a student’s. You do not want to be on the wrong side in this one.

Lastly, be an ally to students. This is mostly applicable for private schools, but know that you can always make an impact by speaking out with other parents about this. The school will probably listen to you more than their students.

A Word to Teachers

Teachers, you have no idea how much students look up to you. In a way, you set the tone of how the school is run. This is why your silence on the matter is pretty appalling. If you choose to dismiss the rumors you hear about your colleagues, then the students will probably stay silent too. We know you know. So for the good of everyone, stop normalizing this behavior and use your voice! Confront who you need to confront.

Also, in the off-chance a student opens up to you about your colleague, believe them, and do something about it. Here is a resource to get you started.

So in short, please, I ask you not to protect your colleagues. More than anyone, you’d probably know the right people to talk to so that things would actually change.

A Word to Schools Who Protect Predators

Here is a great educational piece on teachers sexually abusing students. And another one! But do you really need articles to know what the right thing to do is? It’s simple: stop putting the school’s reputation over your students’ welfare. Stop hiding these sexual abuse cases. Walk your talk.

If you don’t, I promise you that it’s going to bite you in the ass one day. The kids today know better.

I am encouraging everyone who is comfortable enough to share their thoughts about sexual abuse in schools on Twitter with the hashtag, #MySchoolHiresPredators.

Pride Month may be ending, but knowing the basics about LGBTQ+ community is a must. Read more here! And you never know what you’re gonna miss on Zoomers Corner, so make sure to sign up for our newsletter.

Featured Image: Kristina Flour on Unsplash Polina Zimmeran on Pexels

The post #MySchoolHiresPredators: Your Teacher May be a Sexual Abuser appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

There’s always that one person who tells everybody to just stay positive in difficult times. Don’t be that person. We have to learn how to avoid toxic positivity. Because in a world that’s collapsing by the second, we can’t be happy all the time, Brenda. When people are literally dying everywhere from starvation, police brutality, and freakin’ coronavirus, you could say so much better things to help your friends and family feel better. Being happy all the time is not only apathetic, it’s actually unhealthy.

But hey, we’ve all been in a situation where we didn’t know what to say to someone sad. Even if we want to say something that isn’t a cliche, we can’t help but resort to the same ol’ empty phrases — “it’s okay”, “it’s going to be fine”, “just be happy”. And I think we’ve all been in on the other side of the conversation, hearing those words. Not a nice feeling.

Here are some ways on how to avoid toxic positivity when comforting a sad friend or anybody who is feeling under the weather.

1. Tell them you need time to think of what to say.

Sometimes, we are caught off-guard with what our friend says. Or what they say is incredibly sad that we are at a loss for words. Then when the cue comes in for you to reply, you panic and say something useless. So instead of forcing yourself to reply, tell your friend that you need to digest the information first. Some people appreciate a well thought-out response over a quick reply that doesn’t add anything to the conversation. Relax, this isn’t a pop quiz.

Hold on. I’m forming my thoughts.

2. Just be with them.

There’s a good chance that lending your ear is already enough for your friend. They don’t need to be told that there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when they’d rather have a picnic in the storm. Great. You don’t have to keep telling them to be happy. They already know that it’s what they’re supposed to do! Being with them in person or through the phone is probably already helping them.

That sucks! How did you manage?

3. Process their negative feelings.

Don’t have a good grasp of how to avoid toxic positivity in conversations? Here’s a test. Ask yourself: did I just disregard all the negative things my friend just said? If the answer is yes, then that’s toxic positivity. An easy remedy would be to acknowledge their mood, and ask them how they currently feel. Figuring this out will help you maneuver the conversation. If your friend isn’t too bummed out about it anymore, then maybe you could talk about what they learned. Or if they’re still sad, then maybe you can say your thoughts on the matter.

I get where you’re coming from. How do you feel now?

4. Just be honest.

Now this is an item that can either make things better or worse, depending on the person you’re talking to. From my personal experience, there are times when my friend likes being told the truth. I would tell them if I thought what they did was stupid, and we’d have a good laugh about it. Hey, they have probably already thought that in their head, and it’s funny hearing it from other people.

But sometimes, your friend just wants you to side with them. Which is fine too, as long as you’re able to point out if they did anything stupendously wrong. Either way, when dealing with someone vulnerable, always comfort them in the kindest way possible.

Okay, here’s what I feel about it. I’m telling you this because I care about you.

5. Clarify the story.

Listening is an underrated skill. Before you give out advice, make sure that you completely understood all your friend’s points. Not only is it a great stalling technique to help you gather your thoughts, but it shows them that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. You’ll also be able to learn how heavily the issue is weighing on them.

So let me get this straight…

6. Ask what you can do for them.

Actions speak louder than words. So after your friend has poured their heart out, one of the best ways to comfort them is to simply ask them how. For everyone out there like me who has trouble expressing their concern in words, this is a great way to show care for your friend. If they don’t know what they need to feel better, then offer to do something for them: buy them a treat, watch a movie, etc.

What can I do to help you feel better?

7. Tell them you’ll be there for them. And mean it.

Most of the time, we don’t run to our friends to solve our problems. We run to them because we want comfort. Unfortunately, even if your friend feels better after you talk, it won’t guarantee that the days ahead will be sunny for them. So it’s good to reassure them that you’ll be by their side the next time they feel down. However, you have to be truthful when you say that, because the worst thing you could do is to not follow through with your promise.

You don’t have to be present all the time. I mean, we all have our own lives. But picking up their calls or reaching out to them will go a long way.

If something like this happens again, don’t hesitate to hit me up.

See? There are more value-adding ways to be there for someone than just telling them to cheer up! Don’t worry, I’m still learning how to avoid toxic positivity myself. In essence, I think it’s good to remind ourselves that if there’s somebody that strikes a conversation with us, we want them to leave with something.

And more importantly, we have to stop with this mentality that we always have to be positive. The statement reeks of privilege that not everybody has. We are not on-screen personalities who have to keep up smiles 24/7 for the camera, and normalizing the presence of negative emotions in our lives is important, especially when our mental health is at stake.

Featured Image: Ben White on Unsplash

The post How to Avoid Toxic Positivity when Comforting a Friend appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

Got nothing better to do in this rainy weather? With classes about to resume and the coronavirus pandemic forcing us into our own homes, it’s a great time to finally sit back and enjoy a book. The great news is that you can order all of these from Fully Booked Online, which is open for orders and delivery. Simply click on the book title, and you will be redirected to the order page in the website (this isn’t a sponsored post, but I just love Fully Booked).

Even though some of these books may delve into some heavy topics, these are books for teenagers alike! I went ahead and placed content and mature theme warnings for our younger readers. I recommend researching these books further; after all, they don’t come cheap.

1. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Genre: Non-Fiction, Self-Help

Content Warning: Depression

What It’s About: The author details his own experience of suffering from depression as he tries to inspire the readers to celebrate the small victories in life. There is always one thing to live for.

Why Read It: This book was published in 2015 when the phrase “mental health” was making its way into our everyday vocabulary, and we were just starting to take the matter seriously. Haig removes the stigma around the issue of depression, and some parts will definitely make a lot of people go, “I feel that too” or “So that’s why my friend behaves this way”. He speaks very openly about the topic, and does not hold back. The fact that he is a “survivor” makes him all the more credible and inspiring at the same time.

There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.

2. The Dictator’s Handbook: Why Bad Behavior is Almost Always Good Politics by Bruce Bueno de Mesquita & Alastair Smith

Genre: Non-Fiction, Politics

What It’s About: Is democracy real, or is it just a made-up concept that the powerful leaders in the world continue to propagate to make us think that we have a choice in the matter? The authors of the book cynically believe that leaders will do whatever it takes to stay in power, and delve into real-life examples to support their case.

Why Read It: I love me some fact-based political conspiracies! If you loved watching Frank and Claire Underwood politic their way to the top in House of Cards, then this book will remind you to be wary of the leaders we’re in. Given the political climate here in the Philippines where we’re basically live in a faux democracy, this one is an appropriate read and will make you realize the inner mechanism of our government’s minds.

There’s nothing better than a rigged election, so long as you’re the one rigging it.

3. Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know by Malcolm Gladwell

Genre: Non-Fiction, Self-Help

Content Warning: Multiple mature themes

What It’s About: As the title suggests, this book gives us an insight into how strangers think and how misguided we are in striking a conversation with them. The author of this book happens to host a podcast about history, so he gives us practical tips on how to talk to strangers built on the foundation of, you guessed it: historical events.

Why Read It: ‘Tis the season of Tinder, Bumble & Grindr, and we are in these dating apps to have our own quaranthings/quaranflings. The problem? Some of us have no idea how to talk to strangers. Like, at all. If you don’t like the feeling of being left on read by someone you barely know and you wonder why that happens to you a lot, maybe this book is for you. It all boils down to one thing: miscommunication.

You believe someone not because you have no doubts about them. Belief is not the absence of doubt. You believe someone because you don’t have enough doubts about them.

4. Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse by Jackson MacKenzie

Genre: Non-Fiction, Self-Help

Content Warning: Emotional abuse, talk of truama

What It’s About: That is one extremely detailed and informational title for a book! The author is a psychologist that helps people process their toxic relationships. He guides readers in realizing the traumas that they have encountered, how their toxic relationship has changed the way they behave (believe me, it really messes up our psyche), and helps us cope through some exercises.

Why Read It: This one is pretty close to my heart, as I’ve helped picked up the pieces of my friends when they were going through a toxic relationship. The worst part is that most of them did not even realize that they were already being emotionally abused by their partner. This book is not only informative, but explains how much damage someone inflicted on you. More than that, it helps you look into yourself and feel free. I would recommend this book even to those people who had not felt that they were in a toxic relationship, but felt like they were not themselves after a breakup.

It is recognizing and accepting the full extent of the damage this person caused, and choosing not to carry it as your own damage anymore. It means you can walk away much faster the next time.

5. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Genre: Young Adult, Realistic Fiction

What It’s About: This award-winning book which also had a critically-successful film adaptation centers on 16-year old Starr Carter, who witnesses the unjust killing of her best friend. And of course, a police officer did it because what? All cops are bastards! The killing sparks protests, and Starr is caught between keeping quiet, or risking her life.

Why Read It: It’s chilling how this book published in 2017 reminds me so much of what’s happening outside our own walls. It mirrors so much of what’s happening right now with the Black Lives Matter movement, and is a pretty realistic reflection of society. We follow the story of a female black teenager navigating a world where black, indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) get the short end of the stick, and end up dead for just being born with a different skin color. More than that, a lot of issues intertwined with race, like class divide, are also highlighted in the book. Older readers, don’t be fooled. This may be a young adult novel, but it’s a damn good one that doesn’t beat around the bush. It may even move you to tears!

I can’t change where I come from or what I’ve been through, so why should I be ashamed of what makes me, me?

That’s it! Happy reading. I hope these (mostly non-fiction) book recommendations for zoomers and young people not only entertain you, but move you to think differently of yourself and the world around you.

Featured Image: Min An on Pexels

The post 5 Essential Books for the Filipino Gen Z Struggling in the Pandemic appeared first on Zoomers Corner.