If you asked me who I was at the start of the year when we were living life like it was meant to be lived, I couldn’t tell you.

That person in the chilly evenings of January is nothing now but a shell of myself.  It was laughable— the way I let the world bully me into submission.  The earth treated me like I was some sort of victim that it could just toy around with.

And I didn’t just let it happen, I allowed it.

It was March when the news trickled in about the big hairy enemy we’re still facing to this day: coronavirus.

I remember reading about lockdowns and cases spiking and just being in awe of the whole thing. It never occurred to me, the gravity of it all. The pandemic was nothing but a novelty that would go away after two months at most.

I didn’t realize how much it would shake up the world.

So much that even the pavement I used to walk on Marcos Highway feels so foreign to me now. How something as mundane as picking vegetables in the grocery has become deplorable. But the biggest surprise was how much it would shake me up.

Early in the year, I let the world bully me into submission.

It was April and I felt my mind going to dark places.

I mean, it was nothing new but there was nothing to look forward to when I woke up in the morning. Who are we to turn to when the people who are supposed to help are the ones tightening the rope around our neck?

I had already carved a path in my head on how I was gonna be standing in the sun at the end of it all. But the days have been anything but sunny and breezy. Every day, it seems like there’s a new reason to be furious at Him. I was never a religious person but I always made it a point to be thankful and pray before going to sleep.

How was I going to do that when people around me were dying?

People who were nicer, people who had mouths to feed, and people who were never given a fair chance at life?

I wish I’d wake up one day to my privilege being stolen from me, by a thief in the night who had no choice to do it if he wanted his baby to live. Like some sort of Robin Hood who steals privilege but has good intentions.

It was May, and the world was still burning.

Everything in its path caught on fire, and the firemen have given up trying to put it out. Instead, they kept asking for money from other grander and richer fire stations. Not to get more fire trucks or fire hoses mind you, but to dine in Michelin-star restaurants.

When you’ve boxed yourself in as a victim for so long in your life, it’s hard to get out. At some point though, by hook or by crook, you are going to break. There wasn’t really anything that triggered me, but rather a series of small events.

Early in the year, I let the world bully me into submission. But I’ve had enough.  

Locked in the house for days, I was seated with people who didn’t care. It’s hard to have the mind of a young dreamer when you’re surrounded by those who only got furious about how undercooked or overcooked the food on the table was. They didn’t even give a damn that the unlucky ones didn’t have food… or a table.

My dignity? I never had it.

Their respect? I don’t want it.

Peace? Not with rich people who only cared about rich problems.

It was June, and I only found myself getting angrier.

The world wasn’t the one pushing me around anymore, but a bunch of armed old men who got off on inciting fear. And somewhere along the way, I started the discovery process of my identity as a brown man.

Even when George Floyd and Breonna Taylor lived a million miles away, the pain was felt strongly in my heart.

But I knew that anger alone wasn’t healthy for me. It was so unlike me.

That’s when I rediscovered my passion for writing.

And through the things I wrote, I was able to convey my thoughts as articulately as I could. I was and am not a writer by any means because that sounds too pretentious a term for someone who just needs an emotional outlet.

It was July and I felt the anger inside me start to go to my brain, and not my heart like it used to.

When I said something, it was because I knew I had a point. I was becoming more confident and sure, and I knew that I didn’t need to apologize for anything I said because I meant it.

They saw shades of the angry brown boy who spoke too much about politics on Twitter. I wasn’t gonna give them an out by keeping quiet on their problematic rhetoric like I used to.

If there’s anything I learned throughout this hellish year, it’s that being outspoken takes you places, takes you there quicker. I did catch myself wondering “what the hell did I just say” too many times than I can count.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve become too fearless for my own good.

And sometimes, I feel like I’ve become too mean. But I tell myself that the anger I feel is justified.

In any case, if God forbid I regret the person I’ve grown up to be, I can always blame it on the pandemic.

Loved this article? Continue to delve into zoomers’ state of mind here. Never miss out on anything by following us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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With many schools transitioning to online classes as a response to coronavirus, there is a new problem that students should expect to face. It’s a form of anxiety that one gets from being on video calls with other people.

Social anxiety has taken on another form to what we’d like to call “Zoom anxiety”. Whether it’s by force or by one’s own accord, meeting with someone online can weigh heavily on someone and cause a great level of discomfort.

For the students who suffer from major social anxiety, online classes spell doom.

But how exactly does Zoom anxiety manifest itself in the ways we interact with the video conferencing app? Let’s take a look!

1. You open Zoom just in time.

Nobody likes small talk, especially through Zoom. That’s why when your meeting is scheduled at 11:30, you make sure you enter the room at exactly that time — not a second earlier. It’s better to be called our for being late than having to dabble in conversations while waiting for everyone to come in.

2. You spend too much time preparing how you look.

You pre-plan your clothes, lighting & background not because you want to look good, but because you don’t want to be judged. In a meeting with many people, it’s hard not to feel self-conscious when you know every action that you do will be caught on camera.

It only makes sense that you always have that fear of looking less than perfect when you’re in these calls.

3. Zoom is the last resort.

You’re also probably the person who hates receiving phone calls out of the blue. You make sure every means of communication is exhausted before agreeing to go on an online call with someone. Not only are Zoom meetings a major hassle, but things are just easier when people don’t have to hear nor see you speak.

4. You know the answer but you don’t unmute.

Being shy has a lot to do with social anxiety. And a person who’s already reluctant to speak their mind in a face-to-face situation may find it even more difficult to do so in a Zoom room.

Just imaging your big face pop up on Speaker View while your classmates hear every layer of your voice through their earphones makes you want to cringe. So in the end, you just let others speak up.

5. You practice what you’re going to say.

According to this article from Discovery Magazine, it may actually be a helpful way to relive some of your anxiety. When you have something to present on Zoom, you tend to overrehearse what you plan to say.

Hell, you may not even have a presentation, but you’re constantly thinking of possible things you’re going to say in the slight chance someone else in the meeting puts you on the spot.

6. Sharing your screen is a no-no.

To you, sharing your screen is like letting people take a peek in your diary; it’s just too personal for your liking. And when you have to do it, you’re always frightened and wary of what people may discover about you.

God forbid they see an embarrassing pop-up… or your browsing history!

7. Breakout rooms is code red.

You may not have heard about the breakout room feature of Zoom. But as someone who hates this, I must warn you about this awful feature beforehand.

If you’re in a bigger meeting, the host can break you out into smaller groups of their choosing. So this means that your teacher can put you in a room with classmates you have never spoken a word to before. Talk about an anxiety-inducing situation!

8. You hide your video at times.

Sometimes, Zoom anxiety can just hit out of nowhere. There are calls where you’re confident enough to turn on your video, but there are also days when it’s the total opposite. As a result of your internal panic, you simply shut off your camera so the rest of the world will leave you alone.

9. You leave the room ASAP.

There’s nothing like the feeling of clicking that red “Leave Meeting” button. While everyone else is still doing their post-meeting small talk or saying goodbye to each other, you’re the type to skedaddle out of there.

You will not let anyone see you on camera a second more than they need to, periodt.

Whether we like it or not, Zoom anxiety isn’t going anytime soon. We live in a day and age where video conferencing apps are becoming the norm, with or without coronavirus.

We don’t even use them just for school or work anymore. They’ve become useful in catching up with people who are apart from us. And even with these fun affairs, Zoom anxiety can still kick in.

So what can socially anxious people like ourselves do given everything? In this Style interview with Eugene Farrell, he gives one solid piece of advice: support our negative thoughts with facts. Because only then will you realize that all our anxiety is unfounded.

For example, if you feel like people will judge you for having messy hair in Zoom calls, then you’re letting your thoughts get ahead of the facts. Has anyone mocked you for it? Probably not!

Most probably, people don’t care. You’ve seen someone else with messy hair before, but you didn’t give a damn.

Carefully placing yourself in situations that give you anxiety can actually help you move past it. I remember staying mute (literally and figuratively) during my first months at work due to my Zoom anxiety. But I can tell you that I wouldn’t be as comfortable as I am today with the idea of video calls if I didn’t battle the overthinking in my head.

There are days where it still hits me, but it does get easier.

How has your experience been with Zoom? Let us know in the comments below. If you loved this article, then we have more relatable articles for zoomers like you! Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Featured Image: Charles Deluvio and JESHOOTS.com

The post ‘Zoom Anxiety’ is a Real Problem (and 9 Signs You Have it) appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

I know that I would be bigger and more successful than I am today if it wasn’t for my being shy, and my lack of self-esteem holding me back. Being shy was cute when I was dough-eyed and could barely pronounce words with more than three syllables.

But now that I’m older, it has done nothing except rob me of experiences that could’ve potentially changed my life. The worst part is that even if I’m aware of this fact, I can’t bring myself to turn off the switch.

My shyness has become part of me.

Intimidating myself into silence

When I was growing up, I was that kid who would barely say a peep. My teachers would always tell my mom that they wished I was noisier in class. It came to the point that my mom didn’t even have to go to these meetings because she knew that was all they were going to say about me.

I told myself that it was because the other kids intimidated me — that I didn’t really get along with my classmates because they were as loud and proud as a blinking neon sign.

To add to that, I didn’t have the looks, talent, nor interests that the “cool people” had growing up. So when you were that easy to bully, it was better to keep quiet instead of ruffling anyone’s feathers.

But as I started to become confident of who I was as a person, I realized that it wasn’t the other people suppressing my voice.

It’s the demon inside my head that keeps telling me it’s better to shut up and stay in my own comfort zone.

The unexplainable anxiety

The worst part about being shy is that it can attack you out of nowhere! I can do all the motivational inner monologues and power poses I want, but the anxiety that comes with being shy will just keep coming back.

This can manifest itself in a lot of ways like bumbling like an idiot in front of a crowd or pretending not to hear or read something that was sent to me. It’s not like I don’t know what to say, but I just can’t bring myself to spit it out.

And that is what’s so frustrating!

People don’t realize that every time I have to put myself out there, it literally drains so much of my physical and mental energy. I could present my ideas to the same people a thousand times, but still get the jitters by the 1001st time.

The “shy attacks” just come during the absolute worst times… the times when I have to be at the top of your game.

Saying no comes with the gig

Being shy means saying no to amazing possibilities because of fear. Honestly, I get so upset when I look back at all the times I had refused to take on something just because I was a dangerous combination of shy and afraid.

During the rare moments that life has passed me the ball, I just stand there and feel so… small. Before I know it, my mind has already created infinite imaginary scenarios that all end with my inevitable failure. So instead of running with it, I simply throw it back at life.

Then there are times where I know what I need to do to get ahead.

Unfortunately, that path is filled with having to deal with other people which I just can’t do without getting a heart attack. Just thinking of reaching out to strangers or any living creature is something that I find difficult to do because of the fear that I have planted in my brain.

I know that I can achieve my goals and how to reach them if only I wasn’t an overthinker. If I could learn how to shut off my brain for a while, I swear I would be so much better off.

Keeping quiet kills you

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to do something but someone swoops in to finish the job because you just sat there and did nothing? Well, welcome to the club!

A lot of times, I’ve watched as other people have taken an opportunity that was right in front of me. An opportunity that I wanted.

Instead of taking it for myself, I constantly let fear and anxiety get the best of me. I mean even if I wanted to, I can’t blame anybody but myself for that.

And there comes a point in life where these moments of denying yourself opportunities pile up and take a toll on you. For shy people, dreaming about the what if’s are a constant battle that eats away at them.

There are times when I would beat myself up over chances I’ve passed up from eons ago. They haunt me in my sleep!

I know I could be the star of the show, but I just settle for being a B+ player. And you know why that is? Because of fear.

The other obstacle

Where does this fear of speaking up and showing off come from? For me, it all stems from a damaged self-esteem.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m okay with being good enough when I know I could do so much more.

Even if I am somewhat confident in my skills, there’s always something inside me that feels like I am simply not meant to be bigger. I tell myself that I’m not bad but I will never be extraordinary.

I’ve come to a point where I am so aware of my own mistakes that I’m always the first one to criticize everything I do.

Aside from that, I also suffer a lot from pretty bad imposter syndrome. Any moment now, I feel like people will finally catch on that I’m not as good as they make me out to be — that I’m simply a fraud.

It’s gotten so bad that most of the time, I don’t believe compliments and praise about myself and my work anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I’m okay receiving them but deep inside, they don’t really reassure me that I’m good.

What now?

This is usually the part in the article where I give some words of wisdom, but honestly I don’t have much to impart now. I feel like this problem has been cooking up my entire life, so it’s gonna take some time for me to nip this in the bud.

Although, what has been helping me is directly putting myself in the line of fire, so to speak. Sometimes before my mind even catches itself thinking, I already open my mouth to say something and let instinct take over.

Because the moment I let doubt seep into my brain, I curl back to my own little shell.

I know there are people who can relate to my experience too. Since this is such an “internal” problem, I think the only way we could get out of it is making the conscious everyday choices to keep the demon in our head quiet.

Who knows, maybe this is a problem that will never go away. But as long as we are able to keep our shyness from making choices that make us happy, we should be okay.

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Featured Image: Anna Shvets from Pexels

The post Being Shy with a Low Self-Esteem Has Gotten Me Nowhere appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

Stop trying to be the perfect person. You’re not Superman or Wonder Woman. It’s time we normalize being mediocre because success doesn’t always mean happiness. In fact, the drive of being perfect all the time can kill you. We’re gonna have to stop being a perfectionist someday.

What kind of perfectionist are you?

Every perfectionist has their own motivation that explains why they want to overachieve all the time. A study conducted across three decades identified three types of perfectionists, succinctly explained by Evolve Treatment Centers.

Self-oriented perfectionists find the desire to become perfect from within themselves. Usually, this translates to a higher level of productivity and career growth.

Other-oriented perfectionists are those who expect other people to be perfect. They’re the type to judge too harshly because they have high standards for everyone else. Basically, this is the groupmate that chooses to do everything themselves rather than assign tasks to others.

Socially-prescribed perfectionists are those who feel a pressure to perform better because of other people’s expectations, and as a result, are prone to getting anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, being pressured by external factors puts them at a higher risk of self-harm.

What are the downsides to being a perfectionist?

You might have identified yourself as a self-oriented perfectionist and thought: a higher level of productivity and career growth? There’s nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, you’re not off the hook. No matter what kind of perfectionist you are, thinking like one is generally associated with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and depression. That’s because of the voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough. Being a perfectionist is an endless train of thought where you never feel a sense of self-adequacy. Or when you do, it’s just temporary.

When it comes to work, be prepared for major burnout and stress. While it’s true that perfectionists are more motivated, they also work way longer hours. “Get a life, ya workaholic,” said the voice in your head as you willingly open a new Google Docs tab.

You want to know something really interesting though? In a study by Harvard Business Review, they saw no correlation between perfectionism and performance. This means that the people who put in extra work to make sure everything is in tip-top shape don’t necessarily perform better. As the popular adage goes: work smart, not hard.

Is it possible to stop being a perfectionist? Definitely, but we can’t change our behavior overnight.  The last thing we want to do is trying to be perfect at not being a perfectionist.

But here are small reminders that we could give for zoomers who can’t help but overachieve:

Motivate yourself the right way.

When you start to constantly doubt yourself and your abilities, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate your “why”. There’s a fine line between healthy motivation and toxic overachievement.

Your motivation should be the reason you get up in the morning and look forward to living life. It’s something that should make you happy, as opposed to something you dread. For example, going through a school or work week because there’s a big party on Friday night is motivation. Doing it just because you don’t want a grade lower than a B+ is something that just stresses you out.

Imagine yourself in that situation: you’re on your desk at 3 AM anxiously overstudying all the reviewers and slides for midterms. Then you start to break down because the test is in a few hours, and you start to doubt that you’re ever gonna get a grade higher than a B+. All this, while someone who just wants to go to that Friday night party is probably asleep having studied the right amount… not stressing.

When you pick out your reason for doing something, make sure that it will not cause additional anxiety. Having a positive source of motivation is important for you to stop being a perfectionist.

Be realistic.

When your goals start becoming unrealistic, you should re-align them to be more achievable. For example, when we don’t reach our goals in a certain time, we tend to overcompensate by working a hundred times harder in one big burst. By the end of the day, we’re too exhausted for life.

There’s a reason why they say life is not a sprint, but a marathon. You’re not supposed to rush through the process because if you do, you’re just gonna end up being the loser.

I thought time would be a great example for this piece of advice because that’s where we usually fall short when setting our SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic & time-bound) goals. Yes, you can be a CEO of a hundred million-peso company but you can’t give up when you’re just a month in.

Just remember to be honest with yourself when evaluating your capabilities in relation to your goal. And by the way, don’t feel like you’re settling when you adjust or scale down your goal to something more achievable. It’s perfectly normal!

Trust others to take the lead.

You could stop being a perfectionist by not trying to fix everything yourself. It’s just impossible!

We talked about how being a perfectionist could lead to intense burnout. Well, it could be a byproduct of wanting to solve every issue that pops up, and having a hand in every single decision that’s made. But sometimes, you just have to step away and pass the baton to other people.

I know how hard it could be to do that especially if they have let you down before. I’ve been in that position; I get you.

Although, it’s important to realize that not everyone is at their 100% all the time. Maybe they were just off their game during that time they “broke your trust” when you had delegated a task to them. Try to understand that, and look at the things that they’ve done right. ‘Cause that probably outweighs all the shortcomings that they have.

Learn to trust others, and build genuine connections with other people to foster that trust. It’s time you learned the value of teamwork.

Besides, who’s to say your version of perfect is the only version of perfect? You might just be making things worse putting your hands where they shouldn’t be.

Learn to prioritize.

Human beings in general have a lot of goals they want to achieve. However, everyday life is already so draining that we can’t do everything that we set out to do.

If you’re one of the people that believes you can be everything that you want to be, then make sure you’re not tiring yourself out. There are only 24 hours in a day, and you’ll have to make a ton of compromises to not go through life like a walking zombie.

In that case, it’s important to know what you need to do, what you really want to do, what you just want to do, and what you can cut from your life completely.

When you don’t do this, something’s gonna give eventually and mess everything up, domino effect-style. It’s better to avoid going through all that in the first place by determining what goals can wait and what cannot.

Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t really “stop being a perfectionist”. I mean for most of us, we’ve seen good results in our lives from dreaming big.

But the important thing is to not lean too hard into a toxic mindset where it becomes normal to beat yourself up over being “just okay”. While being excellent is impressive, being okay will suffice a lot of times. Know when to turn on the perfectionist switch, but always remember to turn it off!

Are you anxious over graduating and need some advice on that too? Read our article on lessons for college graduates. Don’t forget to follow us @ZoomersCornerPH on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Featured Image: Anna Shvets on Pexels

The post What You Don’t Know about Being a Perfectionist (and How to Stop) appeared first on Zoomers Corner.

It seems like every high school in the Philippines has an open secret: teachers are flirting with their own (underage) students… or worse. Don’t even try to call it anything other than what it is. There is a rampant problem of sexual abuse in schools, and it needs to stop.

First off, I would like to start this article with a content warning. I would also appreciate it if you could comment hotlines or organizations our readers can call in the Philippines specifically for child sexual abuse survivors.

Does This Really Happen?

Yes, it does.

If you’re a student, then a teacher from your high school probably entered your mind reading this. I can recall stories of people from different schools talking about it when we were in high school. Furthermore, a quick look into the Twitterverse will reveal that these things do happen in the Philippines.

It’s probably the giant elephant in the faculty room, too. If rumors are already swirling around the student population, then the teachers must already know that something fishy is going on. The question is, why is nobody doing something about it? Are they unaware, or do they choose to turn a blind eye to keep the peace?

The most difficult thing to handle for me is that we didn’t even know how messed up the whole situation was when we were still in high school. I remember hearing about teachers who flirted with their students or asked for their nudes, and no one really batted an eyelash. And for those who are unaware, yes, there were also some accounts of worse sexual activities being done.

Back then, these things would be the punchline of a joke, or just mere gossip to talk about during recess.

But only now, five years after leaving high school, do I realize that I was so vulnerable back then. It literally gives me chills knowing that I walked the halls with sexual predators disguised as teachers. It could’ve been me. Worse, I feel guilty for being so apathetic about this issue back then. I could’ve been friends with a survivor of sexual abuse, but I didn’t know a lot about the issue.

Most of what I know about the effects of sexual abuse in schools, I only knew after I had graduated. Even though I can’t turn back time to fix my mistakes from the past, now that I know better.

This is What Counts as Sexual Abuse

Before anything, let’s define what sexual abuse is. According to The National Child Trauma Stress Network, child sexual abuse includes both touching and non-touching behaviors, and occurs when a child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator. While it is often equated with child molestation, there is a semantic issue with using that term, because it is mainly associated with only physical acts. Sexual abuse on the other hand, is not just about using physical force. And that fact is important to high school students who may not know that they’re actually being sexually abused right in front of their eyes.

Let’s work with the definition that we have and see what teachers do that counts as sexual abuse. This list is thanks to the folks at National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

• Sexual touching of a child – clothed or not (remember, even if it’s not meant to be sexual, do not let any person touch you without your consent even if it is your teacher)
• Showing pornography
• Exposing a child to sexual acts
• Forcing a child to take part in sexual acts
• Making a child undress or touch someone else
• Making a child masturbate
• Forcing a child to take part in sexual activities or online conversations

If you’re a sexual predator reading this list and didn’t see your actions above, you’re still not off the hook. Child sexual exploitation refers to giving a child anything (usually money or food) in return for sexual activities. On the other hand, child grooming is when a predator “prepares” a child for sexual activity later on, usually when they’re of legal age. When grooming a child, predators may also establish an emotional connection with them and their loved ones.

If that didn’t get you, then know that you’re a pedophile if you’re attracted to people who have not reached puberty yet. Needless to say, that is nothing to be proud of… and it’s illegal. In the Philippines, sexual activity with someone under 18 constitutes child abuse and exploitation.

Honestly, the fact that there are so many types of child abuse is disgusting. How many people on earth had to be preyed on for these distinctive terms to pop up?

What Happens to Children Sexual Abuse Survivors?

Sexual abuse is often associated with anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and self-blame. It is not uncommon for survivors to develop body issues and eating disorders as they grow older. They are also prone to suicidal thoughts, and may lead to self-harm. Unfortunately, the effects stay with them until they’re adults with many of them suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

What Can We Do?

Listen, this isn’t journalism. I am no expert on this deep matter and this article is something that I just had to get off my system after hearing some disturbing news about my high school. With that said, to students who have experienced or witnessed sexual abuse in schools, I want to link you to some resources instead.

If you’re a student who feels like they’ve been sexually abused, you can refer to this article to know some things you can do to help you through this. Know that legal action is an available option when you’re ready.

If you’re a friend of someone who was sexually abused, you can take a look at this article to learn how you can support them. Although this one is about sexual assault, the “how you can help” section is pretty applicable to someone who has gone through sexual abuse. Lastly, this article about traumatic events with input from counselors goes into more detail about how to go about it.

Finding online resources addressed to sexual abuse victims and their friends is shockingly difficult. I now realize that there is a need for us to talk about this issue openly to children. We shouldn’t just be talking to adults about sexual abuse in schools. Hey, children are the ones going through this, and they’re always online too. They need to know what they can and should do during moments of vulnerability. Yes, it is a heavy topic to discuss, but we should also do our part in destigmatizing it. In that way, the survivors would be able to feel less guilt and shame talking about their experience.

A Word to Parents

Parents, I have nothing to ask from you but to please believe your child. Whether they themselves are the survivors or not, please believe that what they’re saying is true. Looking at them like they’re crazy for bringing up sexual abuse in school is a slap in the face. If you must know, many child abuse cases go unreported, and the fear of not being believed by others may be a huge reason why.

As I’ve mentioned, these things happen, even in gender-exclusive schools. Even to boys. And yes, the sex of the teacher doesn’t matter; a predator is a predator.

It’s difficult, but please discuss these things with your child, even before you see signs of sexual abuse. Help with destigmatizing the issue. And to the parents who have developed an emotional connection with a teacher accused of sexual abuse, please do not take their side over a student’s. You do not want to be on the wrong side in this one.

Lastly, be an ally to students. This is mostly applicable for private schools, but know that you can always make an impact by speaking out with other parents about this. The school will probably listen to you more than their students.

A Word to Teachers

Teachers, you have no idea how much students look up to you. In a way, you set the tone of how the school is run. This is why your silence on the matter is pretty appalling. If you choose to dismiss the rumors you hear about your colleagues, then the students will probably stay silent too. We know you know. So for the good of everyone, stop normalizing this behavior and use your voice! Confront who you need to confront.

Also, in the off-chance a student opens up to you about your colleague, believe them, and do something about it. Here is a resource to get you started.

So in short, please, I ask you not to protect your colleagues. More than anyone, you’d probably know the right people to talk to so that things would actually change.

A Word to Schools Who Protect Predators

Here is a great educational piece on teachers sexually abusing students. And another one! But do you really need articles to know what the right thing to do is? It’s simple: stop putting the school’s reputation over your students’ welfare. Stop hiding these sexual abuse cases. Walk your talk.

If you don’t, I promise you that it’s going to bite you in the ass one day. The kids today know better.

I am encouraging everyone who is comfortable enough to share their thoughts about sexual abuse in schools on Twitter with the hashtag, #MySchoolHiresPredators.

Pride Month may be ending, but knowing the basics about LGBTQ+ community is a must. Read more here! And you never know what you’re gonna miss on Zoomers Corner, so make sure to sign up for our newsletter.

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There’s always that one person who tells everybody to just stay positive in difficult times. Don’t be that person. We have to learn how to avoid toxic positivity. Because in a world that’s collapsing by the second, we can’t be happy all the time, Brenda. When people are literally dying everywhere from starvation, police brutality, and freakin’ coronavirus, you could say so much better things to help your friends and family feel better. Being happy all the time is not only apathetic, it’s actually unhealthy.

But hey, we’ve all been in a situation where we didn’t know what to say to someone sad. Even if we want to say something that isn’t a cliche, we can’t help but resort to the same ol’ empty phrases — “it’s okay”, “it’s going to be fine”, “just be happy”. And I think we’ve all been in on the other side of the conversation, hearing those words. Not a nice feeling.

Here are some ways on how to avoid toxic positivity when comforting a sad friend or anybody who is feeling under the weather.

1. Tell them you need time to think of what to say.

Sometimes, we are caught off-guard with what our friend says. Or what they say is incredibly sad that we are at a loss for words. Then when the cue comes in for you to reply, you panic and say something useless. So instead of forcing yourself to reply, tell your friend that you need to digest the information first. Some people appreciate a well thought-out response over a quick reply that doesn’t add anything to the conversation. Relax, this isn’t a pop quiz.

Hold on. I’m forming my thoughts.

2. Just be with them.

There’s a good chance that lending your ear is already enough for your friend. They don’t need to be told that there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when they’d rather have a picnic in the storm. Great. You don’t have to keep telling them to be happy. They already know that it’s what they’re supposed to do! Being with them in person or through the phone is probably already helping them.

That sucks! How did you manage?

3. Process their negative feelings.

Don’t have a good grasp of how to avoid toxic positivity in conversations? Here’s a test. Ask yourself: did I just disregard all the negative things my friend just said? If the answer is yes, then that’s toxic positivity. An easy remedy would be to acknowledge their mood, and ask them how they currently feel. Figuring this out will help you maneuver the conversation. If your friend isn’t too bummed out about it anymore, then maybe you could talk about what they learned. Or if they’re still sad, then maybe you can say your thoughts on the matter.

I get where you’re coming from. How do you feel now?

4. Just be honest.

Now this is an item that can either make things better or worse, depending on the person you’re talking to. From my personal experience, there are times when my friend likes being told the truth. I would tell them if I thought what they did was stupid, and we’d have a good laugh about it. Hey, they have probably already thought that in their head, and it’s funny hearing it from other people.

But sometimes, your friend just wants you to side with them. Which is fine too, as long as you’re able to point out if they did anything stupendously wrong. Either way, when dealing with someone vulnerable, always comfort them in the kindest way possible.

Okay, here’s what I feel about it. I’m telling you this because I care about you.

5. Clarify the story.

Listening is an underrated skill. Before you give out advice, make sure that you completely understood all your friend’s points. Not only is it a great stalling technique to help you gather your thoughts, but it shows them that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. You’ll also be able to learn how heavily the issue is weighing on them.

So let me get this straight…

6. Ask what you can do for them.

Actions speak louder than words. So after your friend has poured their heart out, one of the best ways to comfort them is to simply ask them how. For everyone out there like me who has trouble expressing their concern in words, this is a great way to show care for your friend. If they don’t know what they need to feel better, then offer to do something for them: buy them a treat, watch a movie, etc.

What can I do to help you feel better?

7. Tell them you’ll be there for them. And mean it.

Most of the time, we don’t run to our friends to solve our problems. We run to them because we want comfort. Unfortunately, even if your friend feels better after you talk, it won’t guarantee that the days ahead will be sunny for them. So it’s good to reassure them that you’ll be by their side the next time they feel down. However, you have to be truthful when you say that, because the worst thing you could do is to not follow through with your promise.

You don’t have to be present all the time. I mean, we all have our own lives. But picking up their calls or reaching out to them will go a long way.

If something like this happens again, don’t hesitate to hit me up.

See? There are more value-adding ways to be there for someone than just telling them to cheer up! Don’t worry, I’m still learning how to avoid toxic positivity myself. In essence, I think it’s good to remind ourselves that if there’s somebody that strikes a conversation with us, we want them to leave with something.

And more importantly, we have to stop with this mentality that we always have to be positive. The statement reeks of privilege that not everybody has. We are not on-screen personalities who have to keep up smiles 24/7 for the camera, and normalizing the presence of negative emotions in our lives is important, especially when our mental health is at stake.

Featured Image: Ben White on Unsplash

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The coronavirus pandemic and world events have taken a huge toll on our mental health and overall wellness. Good news is there are low-effort, mostly free ways to get yourself through this… with proven benefits!

You can also simply do these activities to relive boredom. This isn’t a sponsored post by the way, so feel free to click on things without the feeling of being advertised to.

1. Start a journal.

Being away from your friends can be mentally taxing! Even if you feel like nothing’s happening in your life right now, writing down your thoughts and memories from your pre-quarantine life can help you process all the good and bad things that have happened in your life. Hey, research shows that writing down your thoughts is a great activity to help your mental health and boost your immune system. This is a guide on how to start your journaling journey.

2. Prepare something awesome in the kitchen.

There’s a reason why we stress-eat, and that’s because our food and well-being are so intertwined! When you bake for example, you’re actually putting your body through therapy because you redirect your thoughts to one focused activity. Here is a easy-to-make, seven-ingredient recipe for sugar cookies.

3. Do cardio exercises.

If you’re feeling guilty about overeating this quarantine (which you shouldn’t), then you’re in luck! Since quarantine, Youtube has been blowing up with workout videos that don’t require any equipment. My personal favorite channel is PopSugar, which has a wide collection of fun videos that cater to all kinds of workout levels. As painful as they are, cardio has been documented to help reduce stress hormones.

4. Clean your room.

Maybe Marie Kondo was on to something. When we get anxious, we tend to do repetitive tasks that give us a sense of control, such as cleaning. This of course, helps reduce anxiety. On the other hand, our mental health is compromised when we live in a messy space, because it is usually linked to stress and tension. So grab those brooms and get to cleaning!

5. Play mobile games.

If you’re like me who’s experiencing major FOMO from not having a Switch and Animal Crossing, we still have our smartphones to rely on. Pass the time with shooters like Mobile Legends: Bang Bang, and simple puzzle games like Two Dots. Unlike what media has led you to believe, there are a lot of benefits from playing video games; among them is the capacity to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.

6. Start a “podcast” with your friends.

It doesn’t have to be a real podcast and you don’t have to have a grand set-up, but just talk out whatever with your friends! Not only are podcasts a creative outlet for your pent-up frustrations, but venting out and listening to someone’s problems has some benefits like catharsis and a deeper connection. Doing it podcast-style will help you form your thoughts and get to the points faster. Here’s a guide on how to start a podcast!

7. Pick up an instrument.

Playing an instrument can actually reduce stress, and has a lot of mental benefits linked to memorization and concentration. Chances are your house may have a piano or a guitar just gathering dust somewhere, so better put it to good use and relearn those pesky keys/chords!

8. Have a skincare routine.

Okay, it doesn’t have to be an all-out expensive affair. Just putting on moisturizer and cleaning your face with whatever you have will do. Doing your research on what products do and which ones to buy will already take you a good half-day. Following a skincare routine is linked to numerous emotional benefits like stronger mental stability and a sense of mindfulness.

9. Meditate.

Get your zen on with a relaxing and soothing meditation sesh! The App Store and Play Store are filled with topnotch meditation apps, with the more popular ones including Headspace and Calm. Youtube is also a treasure trove for those just getting into this tranquil activity, with a lot of guided meditation videos for beginners.

10. Listen to music on full blast.

There are a lot of things you miss out on when you’re just listening to your songs in the background like you’re used to. Go on Spotify, and put your best headphones or speakers on so you’ll be able to appreciate the song in all its intricate glory! I personally enjoy looking up the lyrics on Genius to feel all the feels even more. Listening to music triggers “happy hormones” like dopamine and serotonin!

11. Take a cold shower.

Fun fact: it was once used as a form of therapy! Its mental health benefits include reduced stress levels (once you get pass the initial shock) and increased mental resilience. The Philippines is no stranger to extremely hot weather, which is why a shower is always a great option. Even if you stand cold water trickling down my back, it can get pretty relaxing once you get used to it. The best part is you can do this while meditating and listening to music, making it a great form of relaxation.

These are things to do during quarantine that will help teenagers and college students alike. Now that summer break is in full swing and no one is allowed to go outdoors, it’s more important than ever to find ways to cope with stress. While these are mostly self-care activities, it’s also important to reach out to your loved ones to help you get through this terrible year.

Featured Image: Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

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Raise your hand if you’ve been daydreaming about the apocalypse in a Zoom lecture.

In an article by YouGov last March, data journalist Jamie Ballard claims that 29% of Americans think that the apocalypse will happen in their lifetime. With the shitstorm that has happened since this article was published, I wouldn’t be surprised if this number has already spiked tenfold. So clearly, you are not alone in fantasizing (or realizing) that the world may be at its end.

If there’s anything that coronavirus has exposed, it’s how broken our systems are. It’s honestly been discouraging to see the world fall apart, just because some people choose to discriminate and even murder people based on one’s race, class, sexual orientation. It’s been discouraging when your democracy is constantly being threatened, and the men in power manage to pull hope further away.

For those of us lucky enough not to get hit by weapons though, we are getting brutally decimated in an equally dangerous place: the mind.

I’m sure most of us are experiencing a level of anxiety in the current situation that our country has placed us in. I took the time to read this great article by Valerie Strauss of The Washington Post, that shows how teachers can re-purpose their curriculum to adjust to the students’ mental needs. Obviously though, not all schools are going to end up doing this perfectly, and we also have to pull our weight too, so I thought I’d see how we can help ourselves adjust to the new normal for our education.

Here are some things to reduce anxiety for students and young professionals alike (just replace ‘teacher’ with ‘boss’):

1. Realize that routines have changed, even for your teacher.

Most of us probably had our own routines pre-quarantine, but given the new living conditions we are in where our home and school lives are almost inseparable, you get a free pass! But, the same thing can be said for our teachers, who are all still getting used to teaching in front of a screen. Their lives have probably also shifted too, so don’t forget to empathize.

2. Be open to communicating with your teacher.

Help your teacher help you by addressing the elephant in the room. Not feeling well? Having family problems? Send an e-mail. The worst thing you can do is force yourself to attend an online lecture when you feel like you are mentally crumbling inside. Keep your fingers crossed that your professor will understand you.

3. Talk it out with your friends.

Maintaining strong relationships is more important than ever. It might be a given, but please process your thoughts with friends. Tell them what’s bothering you, because you know what? They might be feeling the same way as you! Schedule Netflix parties, do online game nights, or whatever you like to do together. There’s more to life than online classes

4. Reconnect with people from your past.

And no, I’m not talking about rekindling an old flame. I’m talking about your friend from six years ago that you had never spoken a word to in God knows how long, but still likes your Instagram posts. Feeling like you have a strong support system helps you feel more empowered, and the catch-up sessions you’ll have with them can provide a really good distraction.

5. Surround yourself with positive news.

Unfortunately, the algorithms that run our social media accounts force us to read through content that our friends share, which are more likely than not, bad news. Somewhere out there though, something good is happening to someone. Just Google “good news”, and you’ll have so many uplifting stories to lessen the pain from reading the news.

6. Know that you can help.

There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re useless in all this chaos. But you should know that you can always spread awareness through your socials, educate your friends, sign petitions, and donate. The worst thing you can do in a crisis is be apathetic. Don’t be that person!

7. Learn history.

Whether it’s a health pandemic, a peaceful revolution, or a civil rights movement, the important thing to realize is that there were victories in our history. And since history likes to repeat itself, we’ll probably win some time.

8. Express yourself creatively.

Truth of the matter is, not all of us are comfortable talking about problems with other people. With that said, it’s time to bring out the paintbrushes gathering dust in your room, or start your dreams of becoming a Youtube/podcast star. This is the time to channel your anger in a productive way, now that extracurricular activities have slowed down.

9. Take a break.

Don’t be afraid to disconnect once in a while, and prioritize your well-being. For my college friends out there, always know that you have cuts that you can maximize. If the news or your online classes are taking a toll on you, do something mindless. Only after having taken care of yourself, can you really perform at your best and help out other people

I realize that the tips above do not have a lot to do with actual studying, but you know what, being at the right state of mind is more than half the battle. It’s just like an athlete needing a full sleep cycle the night before a big game. So try and hack your brain a little by incorporating the feeling of security in your daily life. Your mind will thank you for it!

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Hey Zoomers,

There are only five months left until 2020 is over, and I think we can all agree that this year might just be the worst one of our collective lives. In the Philippines alone, we have dealt with the almost-eruption of Taal volcano, the coronavirus pandemic, the shutdown of our biggest television network, and the constant threats to our democracy and freedom of speech.

The rest of the world hasn’t been any better. I don’t think I need to remind anyone that the year began with the Australian bushfires. And like the first domino that fell, we had seen an unstoppable force of misfortune follow afterwards, with floods in Indonesia, locusts in East Africa, and more recently, the poor reaction of Trump to racially-charged attacks by the police in America. Oh, and of course, coronavirus.

How could I forget?

This is a crazy world we’re living in, and it’s not getting any easier with what’s happening outside. Quarantine has forced us to be indoors all the freaking time. Even now that regulations have relaxed a bit, I think we are all afraid of getting infected by Miss Rona, so we can’t go wherever we please like we used to.

I think that has made it difficult for most of us to get some peace of mind. And being indoors forces us to be creatures of social media, but it’s not like that’s any better with all the bad news coming out. Do you ever just reminisce about the mundane things that you used to do before corona happened?

Because I do.

I think about all the times that I’d just drive to the nearest mall and treat myself to a nice meal on Wednesdays. Or the times I’d get a random call from a bored friend who just wanted to get dinner together. These were small things, but they kept me sane. And because of the pandemic, we had to sacrifice those “small things” that kept us alive.

It’s tough out here, and we have to acknowledge that there is a learning curve to taking care of mental health in these times. It’s okay not to be okay. With that said, I don’t pretend to know the answer to anything about the issues that surround our emotional capacities as human beings. All that I want to do with this platform is discuss this topic as freely as possible, without the stigma of mental health, and spread tips on how I take care of myself, because I’m in the camp that says self-care is the best care.

It’s important to learn more about mental health no matter how young you may think you are, because all of us have experienced some sort of anxiety in our lives. That has to be ranked up there with one of the worst feelings a person could ever feel. And unfortunately, it’s never going to stop from returning.

So this July, let’s talk about mental health for teenagers and children, because yes, we are facing a lot of pandemics right now (I’m talking metaphorically here), and we are going to cope with all of them together! We are moving forward with our sanity intact.

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